Survival Through Knitting

I give you fair warning: this post will have a more somber tone than I will normally employ.

Yesterday marked the two-year anniversary of my nephew's death. I thought this was a good time to delve into this subject.

In days of yore, people knit to survive. They needed thick woolen garments & blankets to survive the bitter winters in wet climes. Betty Higdon from Charles Dicken's Our Mutual Friend subsisted on funds from the sale of her knitting as many poor people did in Victorian England. And through that utility, the art was born.

In these days of central heating and cheap, store-bought sweaters, knitting is less about physical survival. Fewer and fewer people depend on this ancient art for subsistence. However, physical survival is not what I'm thinking of on this day. I'm thinking of how knitting helps people survive emotionally.

Emotions can and do kill. When a person hangs on to anger and resentment, they become more likely to suffer from ulcers and ailments relating to high blood pressure. If we hang on to grief and refuse to deal with it in a healthy way, it can lead to many health problems ranging from migraines to difficulty breathing. These feelings are real and must be dealt with. People have different ways of dealing with emotional turmoil. I knit. I don't know if it's the rhythm or the knowledge that I am making something that will bring a measure of joy to someone's heart, but I find it incredibly soothing.

With all of the joy and hope a new life brings with it, I made my nephew a beautiful blue baby blanket in Knit Picks' Shine Sport. It had sailboats on it and was deliciously soft. When they took his final pictures, he was wrapped in my blanket. This was totally humbling. The only pictures my sister would ever have of her beloved son...and she wanted him wrapped in the banket I made for him. I have that picture above my desk at work with pictures of all my precious nieces and nephews.

The day I got the devastating call, it was as instinctual as breathing; I went online and found a beautiful pattern for a lace shawl, then I went to the LYS and bought bright orange superwash merino and the needles I needed. I started it the day I headed out for SD to be with my family and the whole week I was there before the funeral, I spent almost every moment at my sister's side, holding her hand and knitting. Every ounce of my anguish moved through my fingertips and away from me so I could be the person my family needed me to be. Without that project, I felt so totally helpless. I may not have been doing anything "useful" in a conventional sense; I mean I wasn't cleaning house or helping with the funeral arrangements but this was something I could do. And so I did it. I made that shawl with every bit of love in my fiber of being. And now when I see it, I don't think of the shock and the horror, I only remember the love. My sister always says when she wears it, it's like getting a hug from me. This is what I love about knitting.

I know that I am not the only person who knits to survive. Maybe you don't battle sadness; maybe you battle anger or fear. If knitting help you survive, there's no reason to feel ashamed or that you are not handling things in a healthy way. Knitting helps us survive. We should celebrate our survival. Every time you pick up your needles to work out some mental or emotional problem, you are refusing to be a victim. You are dealing with your problems in a mature and healthy way. Give yourself a cheer and a hug.

I am proud to say that I am a survivor. I survive through knitting.

Take care of yourself!